


hopelessly devoted to her

by sora_grey



Series: tiny fandom anthology [2]
Category: The Realm of Possibility - David Levithan
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Extended Scene, F/F, Female Friendship, Female-Centric, Gen, Interquel, Jealousy, Megan POV, Pining, Rare Fandoms, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 11:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sora_grey/pseuds/sora_grey
Summary: Megan wishes, not for the first time, that Diana only had eyes for her.





	hopelessly devoted to her

**Author's Note:**

> In both _Love songs for Elizabeth, track five_ and _On the Inside_ , Diana and Megan (the respective narrators) independently mentioned attending a party with the other. This fic, which serves as a bridge between the two stories, recounts the events of said party, as told by Megan.
> 
> (Or the one where this fic started out as a poem, but became this 2k-long ramble instead.)

* * *

11 PM on a Saturday night. Diana, Alice, and I are at Dixie's party, which is in full swing around us. Earlier, Diana didn't even wanna go, but Alice was trying to talk her into making an appearance, at least for a little while. I mostly backed Alice up because I thought that being here would get Diana's mind off the fact that Elizabeth was a no-show at the Claire d'Lune two hours ago. Diana eventually agreed to come with us under the condition that we take her out for breakfast the following morning.

As soon as we arrive, Alice immediately makes a beeline for one of the football guys, whose name I don't know. Not that it really matters, anyway. All those jocks look and act the same to me, with their machismo and overblown egos. The guy Alice has her eye on is around six feet tall, muscular, with spiky blond hair and frosted tips. I wish I could say that I'm surprised by Alice's actions, but at this point, I'm not. Gorgeous Alice, with the bombshell body and bubblegum-pink lips, can easily draw anyone to her, guy _or_ girl. I guess it also helps that her outfit of choice tonight is a form-fitting dark red dress that hugs her curves in all the right places and highlights her long tan legs.

I shake my head good-naturedly at Alice, whose arms are now wrapped around Football Guy. Their bodies are swaying in perfect harmony to the muffled sounds of some saccharine-sounding pop song. "I bet five bucks that she breaks his heart by the end of this song," I say to Diana. When she remains silent, I take a closer look at her.

Diana's still staring after the two of them, her dark blue eyes lost in thought.

"Dee?" I ask, waving a hand in front of her face. The movement startles her and shifts her focus back to me. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Nowhere," Diana replies, her voice still distant and dreamy-sounding. "Right here," she adds a second later, shooting me a strange, embarrassed smile.

 _Liar,_ I whisper, though Diana doesn't hear me. I have a pretty good idea what—or _who_ —she's thinking about. Rather than pursue that particular line of thought, I change the subject. "Do you...wanna dance?" I ask hopefully. _Please say yes._

"Actually..." Diana blurts out, nervously fiddling with her bracelet. It's the one with the planet charms, which I made for her and gave on her last birthday. The sight of it brings a smile to my face. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Just like that, my smile falters and is quickly replaced by hesitation. I'm not nearly drunk enough for the conversation that's about to take place between us, but as Diana’s best friend, I have an obligation to hear what she has to say, sobriety be damned.

"Yeah, okay," I finally choke out, trying in vain to stifle the jealousy in my tone. My hand instinctively catches hers as we wend our way through the other partygoers, most of whom are either dancing, playing beer pong, or else engaged in their own conversations.

At last, Diana and I are outside, and after the humid and noisy atmosphere we were in earlier, the quietness and cool air is a refreshing change.

There's not too many people on the grounds, so no one else is near the gazebo Diana and I are sitting in. It's like we have this place to ourselves. Unsurprisingly, she immediately launches into the subject of Elizabeth and all the possible reasons for her not showing up tonight, which I'm not really listening to.

I'd rather focus on what Diana's wearing instead. Like Alice, she's also in a dress, though hers is indigo and midi-length, with a galaxy-print pattern. In addition to the charm bracelet, she also has little star-and-comet studs in each of her double-pierced ears. And to finish off the celestial theme Diana's clearly favoring tonight are sparkly silver high-tops.

The whole ensemble, plus the moonlight outside, has an utterly bewitching effect on her.

And for the millionth time, I'm so goddamn _pissed_ at Elizabeth for the effect she has on my best friend. I hate that Diana invites her _every time_ she has a solo gig _and_ the fact that she shows up most of the time. I hate the way Diana's eyes seem to glow whenever she walks into a room. And I especially hate the songs Diana writes for her.

It's a horrible wonderful thing to be in love with Diana, but I'm never the subject of her songs. Hour after hour, all I can do is listen and _listen_ and _listen_ as Diana pours her heart out for a girl who doesn't love her back. I know what that's like—both of us have our sad misdirected love in common, but we're dealing with it in different ways. Whereas I'm actively hiding my feelings for Diana, she's channeling her own feelings for Elizabeth back into her music.

Diana and Elizabeth's paths intersect a lot. They're both members of the track team. They share most of their classes together. Some weekends, they'll perform with their band, the _Vicious Vixens_ (Diana as bassist, Elizabeth on drums, and Alice as frontwoman/guitarist). They even had summer jobs at the same diner and often carpooled to and from work together.

It's not like I haven't broached the subject of Diana and me as a couple before, but whenever I bring it up, Diana's always quick to mention names of _other girls_ I should go out with instead. Just last week, I had been set up with Amber from Key Club; although Amber was nice, we agreed that we had zero chemistry together and parted as friends. At least it went better than the disastrous date I had with Alice's cousin Mary Anne last month—she only agreed to it in some misguided attempt to make her ex-boyfriend Kyle jealous.

Every time a date didn't work out, Diana would give me a consoling pat on the back and attempt to boost my confidence by saying that my time will come soon. I never really believed her whenever she told me this, but secretly I still hope.

There are times, like now, that I want to undo the not-doing with one simple gesture. Just go right up and kiss Diana _long enough_ and _hard enough_ until the only thing she remembers is my name.

Other times, I want to shout that she could be happy with me, that I'm the kind of strength she's looking for, and that I don't wanna date any other girl but her. But she only has eyes for Elizabeth, who's taken a place that was never hers to begin with.

(Plus, Alice told me during lunch yesterday that she overheard Cara Segal telling her friends Liza and Brenda that Andy Reilly from orchestra is planning on asking Elizabeth out. It remains to be seen if the interest is mutual on Elizabeth’s end.)

"Huh, I didn't know Beth was here," Diana says, snapping me out of my internal monologue. I follow her gaze and sure enough, there's Elizabeth, also known as Beth, also known as the bane of my existence, chatting excitedly to Alice and Dixie somewhere in the backyard. Even with the amount of people at this party, Elizabeth's impossible to miss. She's wearing a bright pink-and-green tee that's noticeable even from where Diana and I are sitting. It clashes horribly with her peroxide-blonde hair and she absurdly reminds me of a human-sized neon sign.

Elizabeth spots us, and once she catches Diana's attention, I know I've lost my best friend for the rest of the night. She and Alice make their way to the gazebo, where Alice proceeds to squeeze herself between Diana and me. Elizabeth sits on Diana's other side.

"So this is where the two of you have been hiding!" Alice chirps happily, her round face shiny with sweat. Her dress, which was already tight to begin with, is practically molded to her body now. "Were we interrupting something?" she questions, waggling her eyebrows at us.

"Shut up, Alice," Diana says fondly, gently nudging her shoulder. Alice responds by wrapping an arm around her and nestling into her side. Elizabeth's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline, unaccustomed to this sort of behavior from Alice.

"So what happened to that guy? Football Guy," I clarify, when Alice doesn't seem to know who I'm talking about. "The two of you were, um...dancing earlier?"

"Oh. My. God," Alice snorts into Diana's shoulder. "So there I was, _totally_ getting my groove on with Football Guy—I mean John—which led to some intense making out, and let me just say that boy definitely knew what he was doing."

"Sounds good so far," Elizabeth says.

"But then John belched in my frickin' mouth, like _right in the middle_ of our kiss. I was so disgusted that I called him a slob and ran off," Alice finishes, shuddering.

Diana, Elizabeth, and I exchange nauseated glances with each other, then stare at Alice in a mix of horror and pity. "That is so gross," Elizabeth finally declares vehemently. From there, our conversation gravitates toward mocking John's ineptitude and the uselessness of boys in general, though I notice that Alice and Elizabeth are doing most of the talking.

Eventually Elizabeth peeks at her cell phone and scrambles to her feet. "Damn," she says, smoothing non-existent wrinkles from her shirt. "I need to get home. Anyone need a ride?" She extends the invitation to all of us and Diana immediately gets up to follow her.

I look at my own watch, frowning slightly. _It's not that late, _I think to myself. Dixie's parties tend to end at around 2 AM or so and it's only ten minutes past one.__

Alice shakes her head. "We're good," she says, slinging an arm around my waist. "I'm already driving my girl here home."

"I am not your girl," I retort without any real heat, shoving Alice's arm off. "Thanks for the offer though, Elizabeth," I say to Elizabeth, trying my best to sound sincere.

As Alice and I follow Diana and Elizabeth out, there's an antsy feeling making itself known in the pit of my stomach and I know that if I don't say what I need to say to Diana now, she'll walk away with Elizabeth and I'll lose my chance.

And maybe Diana's picking up on some of my unease, because she turns around and reminds me of our promise to get pancakes in the morning. I almost want to rip my hair out in frustration because that's not what I'm worried about _at all._ But Diana wears the same hopeful smile I don whenever her back is turned. "Just," I start, giving a resigned sigh, "be careful."

"Oh, Meg," Diana answers back fondly. "Aren't I always?"

 _Not this time,_ I nearly say, though I hold my tongue.

"Just go," Alice tells her and Elizabeth, practically shooing them out the door. On their way out, I see Alice wink at Diana, which causes her face to turn tomato-red.

I watch them walk down the street, where Elizabeth's car must be parked, feeling like half of my heart's been torn away. If only I could’ve found the right words that would've made Diana stay.

Alice shoulder-bumps me and asks if I'm okay. I nod back, heading towards the house in search of a drink.

As though summoned by magic, Dixie sidles up to me, placing a cold bottle of beer in my hand. "You looked like you needed this," she says, her Southern accent noticeable through certain words.

"Cheers," I reply, taking a hearty swig from the bottle. It sort of burns going down my throat, but it's not a totally unpleasant feeling. In fact, it makes me feel warm. Maybe I _should_ forget about Diana for a little bit. Maybe that’s what I need right now.

So I spend the rest of the party attempting to drink away my feelings for the girl I love.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, this is my 13th fic and I am oddly proud about that.
> 
> Also, bonus points go to anyone who can spot the additional characters I added, and which Levithan book they were originally in.


End file.
